Self (as Nikolai Volkoff)
Jackie Flannagan
Raven Madd
Dario Dragani
Daisy Derkins
Silas Killington
Alicia Botti
El Gaucho
Sonny Graves
Sara Tonin
Sister Sensei
Sister Slaughter
Sister Spinkick
Sister Stiletto
Misty Rex
Manny Murderously / El Guido
Narrator
Debbie Derkins
Dallas
Hellter Skelter / Gas Masked Henchman
Young Silas Killington
Kid Who Goes on to be a Serial Killer
Sleazy Neighbor / Wrestling Fan