Cockneys vs Zombies (2012)

Andy and Terry Macguire (Harry Treadaway, Fish Tank & Rasmus Hardiker, Saxondale) are two cockney orphan tearaways. They're a little bit wooah, a little bit wheeey. But like all cockney orphan tearaways who are a little bit wooah, a little bit wheeey, they've got an 'eart o' gold, and they want to save their grandad's (Alan "Brick-Top" Ford, stealing the film) retirement home from imminent closure. How? By nicking a van that barely works, assembling a team made up of themselves, their sexy cousin (Michelle Ryan, EastEnders) and a pair of associates: the dimwitted Tuppence (Jack Doolan, The Green Green Grass) and the psychotic Mental Mickey (Ashley "Bashy" Thomas, apparently something of a name in the UK "Grime" scene which spawned Tinie Tempah, Tinchy Stryder and the like), and robbing a bank dressed as the construction workers presently digging up a large swathe of neighbouring Docklands area. It's here with a couple of the Docklands workers that the film begins, as they inadvertantly discover a sealed tomb in amongst the East-end mud. Sensing literal buried treasure, they venture in and are immediately set upon by a centuries-old dessicated member of the undead. So it begins, and so it escalates (a little too quickly, if I'm honest; one minute there are no zombies. A scene or two later, East London is a cordoned-off zombie zone, despite the film's constant allusions to how slow the zombies are), until before long the retirement home - choc-full of funny characters and a stand-out scene featuring Richard Briers in the slowest chase scene you'll ever see - is under heavy seige and our inept bank-robbers, who WERE under heavy seige at the bank from the cops, find their path cleared. Well, inasmuch as everyone in the street is now either dead or UNdead. With a couple of hostages from the botched bank job in tow, our crew of idiots have to make it to their warehouse rendevous and then decide whether to go and help grandad. This is a very undemanding romp. "If Ealing Comedies did Zombie Flicks...", you could say. Most obvious comparisons I guess would be with 2004's Shaun of the Dead, and it's definitely in that ballpark (if not truthfully as smart). Shortcomings? Hm, well the glamour provided by Ms. Ryan seems totally superfluous, and the zombies whilst played seriously aren't quite played seriously enough, a result of which is that there is almost no sense of peril whatsoever; I know it's a comedy, but it's still a fairly gory zombie film too, and I think the filmmakers lose sight of that once or twice too often for my personal tastes. Still, I'm nitpicking. Ashley Thomas and Rasmus Hardiker are very good, and Alan Ford is superb, as entertaining in this as he was in Snatch, and we even find out whether or not West Ham and Millwall fans can learn to get along once they're undead. It's an easy and fun way to blow off 80 brisk minutes. What else d'you want, eh? You fahking cahnt! Gertcha!