The Green Inferno (2013)

I wanted to see this since it began to crop up on the internet as an upcoming movie, taken me long enough to locate it and now I don’t really know how I feel. Maybe a bit visually raped. This has such a fucking weak beginning, like what is the relevance to the blonde bimbo being around and literally has no point to the rest of the movie whatsoever. Apart from being one of those cunts who says “Hey, wait a second” as you’re about to leave then instead of giving the burning words, says “never mind.” You never find out, I doubt it was Oscar worthy or chocolate filled coins worthy but still fucking irritating. Also I did not have any forewarning about the genital mutilation in this movie, well almost. Like if movies are going to do this to me can you PLEASE advertise it better so I can avoid at all costs because it makes me want to die. OKAY. So freshman lady spots this activist guy and seems that he tickles her fancy as she instantly becomes a fully interested activist and thinks fuck it I’ll go risk my life in the middle of fuck knows where with all of these random people that think I’m a sheltered suburban fool. I mean she’s even on the wrong side of the leader because his girlfriend has clicked on that our lovely freshman wants to suck his dick resulting in her attendance. These people scream out virgin sacrificing cult at all times. Really brilliant and wise idea taking these rich white kids out to a deprived area, not asking to be noticed in the slightest are we. One even shouts in clear earshot about child abuse seeing a family carting their trike on a bicycle, skills on how to not get killed are just seriously flawless guys. Everything is just painfully obvious and this movie relies 90% on gore, which is actually done extremely well. There’s an eye scene and it’s captured perfectly as if you can watch it without looking away or squirming then maybe you should go join that tribe as you clearly belong there. I mean they just fuck off their belongings and go straight into the jungle unarmed, is anyone really shocked when the plane crashes and they end up in a bucket load of shit? Quite literally when one of them also explodes from the anus which was one of many “and the point of this scene is?” moments. I don’t need to see that in my life you trash. I did like the nice man who looked like a bumble bee and seemed to be the go to guy if you wanted a body part hacked off for supper, he seemed like he could have moonlighted as a MUA. Had his contours down to a tee. Most of them reacted more offended by the poo scene than seeing eachother being led off one by one for torture, again I will say all of the gore scenes were fucking brutal and do give many points for those. Some parts are just a bit fucking stupid, one guy actually has a wank after seeing one of them just being like fuck this and slicing her neck open. Really, a wank. I’m all for the activity but there’s a time and a place and that was not where I imagine I would be feeling the moment can take me. They get the tribe stoned as an escape plan, again I’m not feeling the genius in this bunch? Dare I also mention none think to ever remove their luminous yellow suits, would have thought that would have been a pretty logical thing to do during an escape attempt…. I could think of better holidays than being ditched in a jungle and eaten by demonic smurfs.