Carry On Columbus (1992)

Despite assembling quite a solid cast of British comedy regulars, and having an half-decent story to underpin it, this is just pretty terrible. “Carry On” original Jim Dale takes on the title role as he is sent off at the behest of Ferdinand and Isabella to the new world to fetch back loads of gold without paying tribute to the venal “Sultan” (Rick Mayall). Aware of this plan, the barely disguised young “Fatima” (Sara Crowe) is sent to infiltrate their crew and sabotage the mission, but can she resists the charms of their intrepid captain? Moreover, can this sailor manage to keep his crew (and himself) on board as the journey leaves them hungry, thirsty, bored and horny. Maybe their arrival in the New World will satisfy their goals, after all the natives are bound to be a bit thick. Well aside from a silly tongue-twisting exercise between Dale and the dead-pan Richard Wilson, there is virtually nothing original nor funny about this innuendo and stereotype-ridden attempt at a seafaring adventure. It doesn’t help that the studio sets are the stuff of the 1930s - perhaps the real jungle refused them permission to film, and the contrived dialogue falls flat most of the time. These comedies were at their best when the humour was bawdy, yes, but delivered with a bit of cheek and wink-wink. It wasn’t subtle, no, but it was often a little more sophisticated than this puerile writing epitomised by an off-form Julian Clary and a completely wasted Bernard Cribbins who really ought to have known better. The format was sensibly put out to pasture years ago and ought to have been left there to become the fodder of British cinematic history. Instead, this pointless appendage to the original films do nobody any favours and make your standard Christmas pantomime look like Booker prize stuff. A very rusty nail in the “Carry In” coffin, sorry.