From the opening crawl until our first glimpse of sand. Join us for the first installment of our The Force Awakens diagnosis. We won't lie about your chances: the situation is looking a little grim.

We don't think it's any secret that The Force Awakens is not a very good Star Wars. To long-time fans of the franchise, it comes across as superficial. Insubstantial. We'll look at several instances of broken lore, in the context of the Expanded Universe.

It's been 10 years since The Force Awakens. Since the beginning of the Dark Times. We haven't even thought about the movie since Part 2 of the series, over- SEVEN?! months ago. Now, let's crack open The Force Awakens latrine once more. It's time to deal with the widest guy to have ever stolen Revan's laundry.